Talk About Nostalgia.

Thinking back on my childhood, it seems I had a lot more freedom than I do now. Now, I'm not talking about no bed time, no parental constriction type of freedom. I was practically chained down when I was a little kid, so that's not what I mean. I mean, my mind was so more open to things, my imagination wild. I could spend one day being a spy, a cat, a jungle woman, an alien hunter, and a lion, and still make it to bed by 9:00. I don't really remember ever being unhappy, apart from small things like my sisters picking on me or not getting my way. The world was mine for the taking. I could be anything I wanted to be (a famous singer was my goal). I was oblivious to the cruelty and hardship of the world, blissfully ignorant. If I could, I'd still be that way.
I think reality slowly started creeping in around the 5th grade. That's when things started really changing for me. Up until then, the kids in my class were friends with just about everybody. Cliques hadn't really developed yet; mostly it was the girls vs the boys, you know, push them down on the playground, then giggle about how cute they were behind their backs. But in 5th grade, the kids began to separate from each other... alliances were formed and social statuses suddenly became important. If someone wasn't just like you, they weren't your friend. This is where it became tough for me, because I've always been different, there has always been something "off" about me, at least to other people. Suddenly, I was being seen as the nerdy girl with glasses and scraggly hair and hand-me-down clothes. The bland girl. The Outsider. Other girls thought I was weird; their tight knit groups didn't have room for one more, and boys didn't play with girls, are you serious? So for the most part, I was left alone.
And this is where the secrets of the world began to unfold. Underneath the warm exterior lies a grim, cold truth: the world will never be what you expected. Growing up to me is just a way of saying, "Time to stop playing pretend and get with the program." Imagination shatters and you're suddenly left standing on your own in a sea of responsibilities and work. It's funny, when I was little, I dreamed of growing up and being free. How ironic. Now that I'm almost an adult, I keep thinking back, envying my child self for what she had: creativity, imagination, a dream.